COLOMBO : If someone is well-mannered enough to pay you a verbal compliment, it should be quite simple to accept it with grace and glee, right? Well, apparently, things are not so straightforward if you are Sri Lankan. Here is where you may be going wrong when receiving compliments (the etiquette of paying compliments or complimenting will be left for another day).
For entertainment purposes, I have included some sample conversations that I have heard over the years.
01. Accept it without giving excuses
Compliment giver – ‘You look absolutely stunning today.’
Recipient – ‘Aiyo, what nonsense, it must be all these lights.’
At this point, the compliment giver does not know what to do or say. So s/he laughs awkwardly. Insisting on how stunning the recipient is can be seen in a wrong light, so they rummage in their heads for another topic and hope no one around them heard.
Here is a better response to it ‘Oh thank you, how kind of you. You look great too.’ or ‘Thank you, it is nice to be in this gathering with all of you after a long time.’
02. Refrain from explaining and giving details
Compliment giver – ‘That shirt looks great’
Recipient – ‘This is an old one anè, my aunt’s grandmother’s friend who lived in Timbuktu brought it for me ten years ago’
At this point, the compliment giver has fallen asleep and wonders why s/he ever paid a compliment.
Here is a better response to it ‘Thank you, I quite like this myself’ or ‘Thank you, you are in a fine shirt yourself’.
03. Accept it without refuting it
Compliment giver – ‘Oh, this biriyani is delicious – out of this world’
Recipient – ‘You are just saying that to make me happy, it does not taste that good ne’
At this point, the compliment giver loses faith in his/her own taste buds and wonders whether there is a reason for the cook to feel that it should not taste ravishing.
Here is a better response to it ‘Oh, am glad you like it, I enjoy making biriyani this way’ or ‘Thank you, please have another serving – I really like it when my guests enjoy my food’.
04. Never Mention Prices
Compliment giver – ‘What a comfortable chair, I really like this haansi putuwa’
Recipient – ‘Ah, yes, I enjoy my afternoon naps on it. I bought it from the shop in town for LKR 100,000’
Honestly, this is brutal for anyone with good etiquette. Never does one who is full of etiquette compliment another with the intention of learning the price. It is a sensitive bit of information that is to be kept under wraps.
Here is a better response to it ‘Thank you, I also find it comfortable and enjoy my afternoon naps there’ or ‘Yes, it is a useful piece of furniture, let me get you a cup of tea to enjoy it more’.
Whenever appropriate, return the compliment and at all other times, appreciate the kind words and accept the words politely and humbly. It is a compliment – not an opening to boast, not a topic to talk about all day and definitely not a reason to get defensive and shy.
If you have stumbled on to other awkward moments while trying to pay a compliment, do let us know via [email protected].
Till I return with ‘Full of Etiquette’ next week, stay safe!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Praveeni Jayasekera is the Founder and Editor of fullofetiquette.com; she is a regular advocate on the subject. She is an ACMA, CGMA; holds a BSc. Economics and Management; PG in IT and Diploma in Social Sciences. She is employed full time in the capacity of Chief Operating Officer at CL Synergy (Private) Limited; a Sri Lankan freight forwarding company. She is an ardent fan of the written word and has compiled content for numerous websites for search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, corporate profiles and blogs. She has experience in training corporate professionals on customer service and business etiquette. She conducts coaching sessions on etiquette for school children every now and then.
