If you had received an invitation to an event, that probably means a gift is in order. Whether the host expects a gift or not, has it all or not, wouldn’t mind you coming empty-handed or not is entirely the hosts calling and has nothing to do with you. As a guest, it is your duty to take something suitable as no one is bound to host, feed or entertain you for free. Sri Lanka is one of the few places in the world where you get invited for a meal, music and entertainment on a regular basis where you are not expected to pay for the party or what you consume. Elsewhere in the world, it could either be a case of bringing your own bottle or paying for your meal in the very least.
Here are a few points to ponder over when choosing a gift:
01.How many of you are invited? If everyone at home is invited to the party, the gift that is given should be sufficient to be from all. Each person need not carry a separate gift, but what is given should show consideration for the number of invitations extended.
02. What is the occasion or the purpose? If it is a regular get together and not a birthday party or an anniversary or other celebration, the gift can be a simple one for the household. If the gift is in lieu of a birthday or an accomplishment by an individual, the gift has to be one that would be appreciated and well received by the said individual. For instance, a Pyrex dish does not qualify as a suitable gift for a lady’s birthday – she has an individual life outside of running a house and heading a kitchen. (Baffles me each time people think of heading to the homeware section to buy gifts for a female – sigh!)
03. Where is the event being held or what is the scale of the event? If the event is being held in garand scale, notch up the gift’s standard a slight bit. You don’t need to try to keep with the Jones’s so to speak, but present something that is befitting. Do remember to wrap it up in style and not hand it over in some old crushed bag.
04.What would the host/ recipient of the gift appreciate or need? There is nothing sophisticated about giving a gift that would be wrapped and gifted the next day to another by the recipient. There should be some value or function associated with the gift by the recipient. Give it some thought, ask a few people, get some ideas and make a decision, rather than just wrapping the first thing that comes to mind. Vouchers are not the only way out in this world – try to personalise and show that you do know what they would like to wear, use or read. Only when you are really in doubt should you go for a voucher or if it is for someone you are not very familiar with like a colleague’s child or a friend’s spouse.
05.What if an exchange is required? If you do know exactly what the recipient likes but are not the best at estimating size, make sure you buy something that can be exchanged. Be mindful to make the purchase from a shop that is liked by the recipient as well. One must be cautious when gifting clothes as the recipient could get offended over the wrong size being chosen for them – base it on your relationship with the person.
Then comes the question of whether one should go do the exchange or whether it is acceptable for the recipient to carry out the exchange.
The answer is not as straight forward as the question. Here is what you need to consider:
Is the recipient your boss or someone who is not too close to you on a personal basis? If so, it would be appropriate to offer to change the item on his/ her behalf.
If the person would have a difficulty in getting about before the permitted period for exchange expires, it may be best that you offer to exchange it.
In each of these cases, know what you should get with absolute certainty as it doesn’t make sense to be making trips to the store every other day to swap stuff.
Well, that’s a wrap – or at least I think so.
Till I return with ‘Full of Etiquette’ next week, stay safe!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Praveeni Jayasekera is the Founder and Editor of fullofetiquette.com; she is a regular advocate on the subject. She is an ACMA, CGMA; holds a BSc. Economics and Management; PG in IT and Diploma in Social Sciences. She is employed full time in the capacity of Chief Operating Officer at CL Synergy (Private) Limited; a Sri Lankan freight forwarding company. She is an ardent fan of the written word and has compiled content for numerous websites for search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, corporate profiles and blogs. She has experience in training corporate professionals on customer service and business etiquette. She conducts coaching sessions on etiquette for school children every now and then.